In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: 2good, alcoholic/drugs, deal, help, husband, jobs, kids, lost, marriage, still /
Question by melmm: 1st marriage of 11 yrs 2 kids – alcoholic/drugs husband Lost 2-good jobs help I still luv him? how do i deal
Only my husband is an addict, I have not drank in over 3-4 months. He is a born again christian and i am a cradle catholic we married 11 years ago by the justice of the peace. I do have to older children from a previous relationship. Their father past away 3 years to an overdose. I left him when my children were still toddlers. My husband had problems before but now he is out of control, he has to drink at least every 2 -3 days. His family blame me and my family. yet his father was an alcoholic and an abuser, which i barely found out. He is a recovering alcoholic. I believe he has a lot of issues from his father and family.
Best answer:
Answer by Cecilia M
Well, it’s not like the love you have for someone just goes away and can be turned off like a light switch. Continuing to have love for someone even when they are wrong for you is somewhat common. You don’t say whether he still loves you, and maybe that is beside the point since he’s chosen to love alcohol and drugs more than himself and you.
What isn’t healthy for you and the kids, though, is that you continue in a marriage where the kids are seeing a bad example of a father, and a father who loves the booze and drugs more than anything else. Maybe he’s an addict…if so then ask him to seek help. He has to want the help, though. If he doesn’t think he has a problem, the I recommend you go to Al-Anon…a group that offers support and guidance to family members of addicts. They will help you sort through what’s happening, and help you get through this when he won’t. Good luck!
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Stand behind him and make him get help. If he doesnt want to there is nothing you can do but I would try before I straight up gave up
Most women nowadays don’t understand what love is anymore. During trying times for the husband they selfishly cut and run. I find this some greatly distasteful.
He probably needs you now more than ever. Be his wife.
hey sweetie if it is that bad do an intervention do you have insurance that will pay for rehab????????? If so call the rehab centers and ask if they accept it and you want to do an intervention and explain what you said here…
ALSO contact teh YWCA they have therapist there that deal with this!!
stand behind your man and make it work……it sounds worse than it really is….make it work.
Love is a emotion, you need to think realistically. If he isn’t going to buckle down and stop the alcohol and drugs and start taking care of his family, then you need to leave. You and your children deserve better. You will always love him, but wasitng life is not worth it.
not enough info.who has the addiction? Both, or just him? Seek intensive counceling for household. It has both indirect, and direct effect on all involved
Of course you love him, he`s the father of your kids. As to the alcohol and drug problem, it will need to be addressed because it is a vicious cycle that keeps repeating. You have noticed that , right?
You love him because you can see the good in him, and right now he can`t. The trick is to make him see the good in himself, and find a way to get him the help he so desperately needs. Don`t give up, be gentle but firm, and try and persuade his friends that they should mention to him that his children are growing up and need to be cared for and that he should try and fix his problem so he can be the best father he can be. That should help things along.
Don`t give up, you can do it if you try.
You need to confront him and tell him that if he doesn’t get help (detox and rehab) than you want a divorce. If he chooses his addiction over his family, there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. I have come a long way in dealing with loved ones with addictions. I have come to the realization that it is better to leave the relationship than deal with an addict. You can’t help a person if they won’t help themselves. Addicts are not really themselves anymore, but a shadow of who they used to be. They will lie to, steal from and manipulate even those they love if it means they will get their next fix. He needs to get help (and REALLY do it, because he wants to get clean) or I really think it’s best for you to leave the relationship. I am sorry you are dealing with this. It really sucks.
Still on 1st marriage of 14 yrs w/ 3 kids. Wife willnot go out with me no where. We have absolutely nothing in common with each other. I am too afraid to get divorce. So I stay and be as happy as possible, even when things are not going well in my marraige life.