Question by schoolboy978: Family Fights.?
My dad drinks everyday, every night and every week.
And aside from that he smokes a lot. He has come to
the point in which he doesn’t want to stop even if me
his only child and my mom try to stop him. I don’t
want him to die of a heart attack. But the problem is
when me and my mom is trying to stop him he just
fights. I’m currently in the middle of a fight. I also
don’t want to make him get a divorce with my mom
I love him but how do I make him stop. I’m also
Afraid to call Alcoholics Anonymous because I fear
they will take him away so I’m just an 11yr old that
wants to make peace in this family can anyone give
me advice.
Best answer:
Answer by kacieesmth
hmm thats hard because when my dad does drink he gets mean but me my mom and brother just leave him alone but thank god hes not always drunk. when he is sober tell him hes mean and fights possible i dont know if you already tried that.
What do you think? Answer below!
18 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
First of all, children can not make their parents get divorced. Secondly, as much as you would like to, you can’t make him quit drinking, either. There are support groups for kids whose fathers or mothers drink. It is offered by a group called Alanon. If you ask your teacher, or principal, or maybe even your mom, they can help you get involved. There you can learn about how to handle this situation, and meet other people who understand what you are going through. Alanon will not take your dad away. It is a safe thing for you to do. By the way Alcoholics Anonymous would not take him away either. No one would take him away unless he physically injured you or your mom.
Best wishes.
i do think your father needs to go to rehab center.
drunk people can get very violent for they are unable to control themselves. I’m worry about your mother.
I’m Christian and I won’t suggest for divorce (you explained clearly that you still love him). I’d suggest to start praying for God’s help to free him from this drinking alcohol habit and smoking.
When people have bad habit, sometimes they want to get out of it but they feel too weak to do so. It takes a very strong determination and a lot of hard work.
Keep loving him. And try the soft way like, “Dad, I love you very much. I’ll be very happy if you can get over your drinking habit. We can spend more time together when you are less drunk.”
I used to have my father smoking about 10 years ago. When he smokes, I went to bed. Coz I can’t stand the smoke. Later on, my sisters followed my way and so did my brother. My father found out that everytime he smoked, all his children gone. One day he called us all and said, “Kids, I realized you all don’t like me smoking. This is my last box of cigarrette. From tomorrow onwards, I’ll give up smoking. I hope you all will support me.”
Since that nite until today (it’s been 10 yrs now) my father never smokes anymore. Not even one.
I had the same problem, only my mother was an evil maniacal druggie witch who stole everything from my family and married 7 other men within a year, but aside from that, its the same. When they would fight, i would beg them to stop and would pray they wouldnt get divorced, Now that its over, I wish the divorce would have been so much sooner. Your best bet would probably be stay out of the fights Take a video of him in a drunken rage sometime and then show it to him when he is somewhat sober, which will prolly be when the alcohols gone, so then when u show it to him, Tell him how much it hurts you and ur mom. If worst comes to worse, Dump the alcohol when he isnt around and if that gets bad, call AA. Good Luck My man and email me @ mondomonkey@comcast.net and tell me how it goes.
First of all you are only 11 and this not your problem to solve. Your father has to realize the reason why he is drinking and stop. You can’t help him unless he really wants to get help. If you try like you have you already know how that ends up. What you need to do is call AA and ask them for advise. That is why it is called Anonymous. AA is not just for the drinker but for the people who that person effects by the drink. I assume you have already told him how you feel about his drinking and he told you were to go because he wasn’t listening to a smart mouthed kid who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. The only way that your father will see the damage that he is causing is when he hits rock bottom. There are several things you can do before this happens.
1. have a drink in front of him or pretend to have a drink but make sure it is in front of him. the almost guaranteed reaction is that he will tell you that you are to young to drink and that it is bad for you. And then you can proceed to tell him that you are only doing what he is doing. if anything that will start the wheels in motion in his head of what he is doing to you and your mom.
What you really need to do tho is find someone you can trust to talk to about this.
I am sorry to hear all that is happening. I know from experience that if he is not hurting himself right now or anyone else they will not take him away however if you feel it is affecting your family the best thing that you can do is maybe talk to a school councelor and they will help you better. They will know resources in your area that will help.
I am married to a practicing alcoholic. We fought for years about her drinking and still do sometimes. About a year ago I joined Al-Anon. It’s a 12 Step organization for friends and family of the alcoholic. No one will understand your problem like we do there. My father was killed by a drunk when I was seven. So I do understand your feelings and the hell you are living through. There is hope!
Alcoholics Anonymous isn’t a police organization. They can’t and wouldn’t take your father away. But they would recommend that you go to the support group for family members of alcoholics. You would really benefit from talking to other people, parents and kids, who have alcoholics in the family.
So don’t be afraid. Call them.
he has to be so down that he will wake up and say i need to stop and i have problem untill that day you will have problems. its not what we try that helps it what they wake up and find maybe if you al left cuple days weeks he would take up maybe not you can’t tell but i know i had a hubby who drank and we left and hes still doing this its no way to live believe me.
Honey, I am sorry that you are going through this. Your dad is sick and needs help the only way that help is going to start is when andif your dad wants it. Alcoholics Anonymous can help you and yourmom deal with him better but you can’tmake him attend. The way that your parents will divorce is between your dad and mom you having nothing to do with if they choose to divorce. Continue to talk with your mom about your feelings and remember this is not your fault at all.
Hey bro…First off let me start by saying you are one BRAVE mo fo! To look this kind of problem in the eyes and face it instead of feeling down or depressed about it is very admirable! I am proud to help you in way that I can.. I too had an achoholic for a father, and he too would fight all the time…Sometimes his anger would be taken out on me..and then sometimes my mother or sister..When he was sober he was the best dad in the frickin universe. My advice is to actually catch him (if possible) in one of his sober moments, and tell him from the heart what is happening around him after he starts to drink..What YOU have to understand is two things…
1. There is NO talking to or reasoning with a drunk or alcoholic when they are already drunk.
2. He has to understand how he is affecting his family when he drinks and has to WANT to change. You cant force him or make him change. He has to decide it for himself.
Again once you start talking to him and telling him how you feel while he is in his sober state of mind, tell him with passion and even squeeze out a tear or two so he gets the hint and wants to get help…If he still does what he wants and continues to drink..just try and distance yourself from him at the times when he drinks the most so you are out of the danger area! Good luck and remember you are stronger than any kid I have ever met…
First, Alcoholics Anonymous does not have the power to take you away from your family.
Second, give them a call to see about attending meetings with your mom. They only give support to people who are alcoholics or family members of alcoholics. They’re not there to judge you.
Finally, keep him in your prayers that he might see the light and finally get the help he deserves.
look up ALANON meetings in your area the only people who could help both you and your mother are those people who are living with this disease like you are and go to places where they could get advise on how to deal and not abandom the person who is sick in your lives and dont worry baby alcholics anonymous doesnt take people away they are a group that your father can join like a club at school where other people with his same problem can get together and support eachother when they feel like drinking again you can go to the alanon meetings with your mom and maybe you guys can convince him in time to go too.
I feel for you I really do I was in the same situation and ,,your father is going to have to want to change on his own you can’t make that happen and its up to your mom if she wants to continue to live that life my mother till this day is still with my father who still drinks…it sad and unfortunate but the only thing you can do is pray and hope your father decides to clean up his life good luck my prayers are with you,,,and alcoholics anonymous cant take anyone away those meeting are usually by choice
call ‘the jeremy kyle show’ he sorts with things like this everyday! he will sort it!
or talk to ur dad wen he is sober, tell him wat your feeling, show him your question you have put on here to prove to him that you care about him!
good luck!
it is very hard to help some one who won’t help them selves.
you can try to talk to him and share your feeling about his drinking and smoking and maybe you persuade him to stop, for your sake. If all else fails, then you and your mom should
think about going on without him, and it would be his choice not to continue to be with his family. In the end it is really up to him to alter his life style or lose his family.
Don’t be afraid to call for help. It is a disease that your dad has no control over. And as sad as it is, there is nothing you or your mom can do to change it unless and until your dad wants to change it and get help. AA will not come take your dad away from you. As far as a divorce, unless your mom or dad says they want one, don’t think about it. You are an 11 yr. old who should not be worrying about adult things. If your parents did separate, as hard as that would be on all of you, it also could be a blessing in disguise. That may be what it takes to make your dad see what his drinking is doing to you and your mom. If you want your dad to know how this is affecting you but you don’t dare to talk to him about it, try sitting down and writing him a letter, start it by telling him you love him, but you need him to know how worried you are about him and how his drinking makes you feel. It may help,even if it only helps you get it out in the open
Your father have a problem with drinking, you can do and say what you want,he got to realize that he does have a problem and want to get help for hisself. The smoking comes along with the drinking. When they drink to much they can become violence and mean, he just got to sleep it off. I wish you the peace back in your family life, but until your father gets the help that he needs it willn’t be peace. I grew up with a father that dranks also, he drank hisself to death. Pray for your father that he be deliver from the drinking.
Alcoholics Anonymous will not take your dad away. They will offer him help.