In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: about, alcohol, drugs, girlfriend, Herpes, lied /
Question by AR: Girlfriend lied about Herpes / Drugs / Alcohol?
I’ve posted before but thought I’d get it all out there.. I’ve been with this girl for about 4 months (26) and I truly really do care for her, but here are my issues that I’m dealing with and I’m scared it could come back to haunt me in the end (I may be blind here but just need some outside feedback):
1. Has a very bad drug past for about 10 years.. recently used (coke) couple of months ago.. and recently bought coke for her friend (so she sais) at a bar, while I was there.. I told her I won’t deal, so haven’t seen anything since.
2. Lied about Herpes.. didn’t come clean, after 4 months.. I found out on my own.. but she lied twice.. denying it the first time, then eventually confessed… been tested came back negative so we dont need to go there
3. Caught her in another lie after I stressed how important the lie about herpes was.. not as big of a lie but still lied
4. She’s on medication for depression and gets severly depressed
5. Alcohol seems to play a big part in a lot of the problems.. she’s been to rehab for it, it’s not every day.. she can go weeks without drinking but sometimes when she does, if she’s out with friends.. it gets out of hand crazy and thats where the bad things (drugs) come into play.. I’ve expressed how the heavy drinking is the root of the big picture with drugs.. and she said she’d tone it down, but that’s kind of what the other lie was about.. she went out partying and told me she was home at 2 when really it was 5am.
I really really do care for her and I may have blinders on, but is there hope?
Best answer:
Answer by DonDiesel
Run away, FAR away.
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6 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
Run. Now. Fast. Dont turn back.
She’s an addict that is still using, manipulating and cheating you, and lying just like addicts do – - and then there is the fact that they are incapable of love….
Are you really that much in the dark about a potential future with this person? If you are having major issues like this now, it is only going to get worse. People do not change. Can you deal with her going to prison for dealing? Can you live with lies all your life and wonder what she has been up to all the time? Can you live with someone who gets severely depressed and maybe tries to control you by statements about suicide or her going in an out of mental health facilities because she refuses at times to take her medication? And, she has an alcohol problem. What redeeming features do you find in this relationship? It sounds like you are headed down a long, dark tunnel. RUN THE OTHER WAY!
I think that you should tell her all of what you think and then leave. Either way she has a problem and coke is really really bad one of the worst so i highly doubt she is done for good. Just try to get over her. I know it will be hard but its the best for you. You could get bad things from her and tempted to do drugs and drink also after a while with her. I am so sorry but i think its the best for you to just leave. There are tons of other girls out there for you. i know that it doesnt seem that there could be anyone as good as her your prob thinking but you can do it. Just take your time. Please dont do the stuff she does. I hope i helped good luck!
if you love her, try to get her help!n I would hall ass as fast as I could because she probably loves the coke more than you. truth hurts sometimes but you sound like a pretty level headed guy & you don’t need to settle
It takes two people to make a relationship work. It sounds like you are a lot like me – you want to find the best in everyone. If your girlfriend is willing to go to counseling with you and do the personal work it takes to be healthy as an individual and a partner, then there is hope. Everyone deserves a second chance. If she isn’t willing to do the hard work and is in denial that she has problems, then you can’t make her change. A person can only change if they want to.
You may want to find a local CoDa support group (Co-dependence Anonymous, I think the website is coda.org). I went to a few meetings, and the overall premise is to learn what you can and can’t control, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, and dealing with yourself and others in healthy ways. There is a fine balance between being there for someone you love and enabling them to hold on to their bad habits. Good luck!
She has done all of this to you but you have been nothing but nice to her, sounds like she is taking advantage of you. I think she may need rehab for a couple of months not just days or weeks. If your sick of taking care of her then you need to move on. She is self destructing and you probably don’t want to go down that road with her. Yes love is blind but for some there is a limit as to how much they can take.
In her defense about the point with herpes…People can have herpes for a long time and not even know it, so the thing about her having herpes may or may not be a lie. Also it’s hard to tell people that you have herpes with out having to face some kind of rejection so she may not have gotten the courage to tell you until now.