In DRUG REHABILITATION / Tags: addiction, children, cocaine., Father, help, kick, life, love /
Question by Brandi R: How can I help the father of my children and the love of my life kick his cocaine addiction?
I am 9 mos pregnant and I also have a 6 yr old with my bf of 7 years. We have been through so much together, everything from home invasion to rape and also me being unfaithful once. We have always enjoyed to party together and for a while I started experimenting with cocaine with him, even after 5 years of being totally against it. Now I have made a vow before god to change my life around for myself and my children but my bf still has his habits. It almost hipocritical of me to tell him quit or say goodbye to your family but I need him to be clean for me to stay on my track of change. I am constatly upset with him because he is always high of drunk. I told him I was going to leave and that I was not going to let him be there for the delivery of the baby if he is wasted. I have been majorly stressed this whole pregnancy and I am about to have a nervouse breakdown because of this. I don’t know how to handle him. He says its not fun anymore but he cannot help the cravings, he says he needs my support but I also need his and he has totally not been there for me these past 9 mos. I dont know if I should stick it out with him or if I should just give up. I know most addicts have to hit bottom first, which he is close. I just dont have the energy to care anymore. What should I do, everyone tells me to leave but I am affraid if I do he will give up on his self. HELP!!!!
Best answer:
Answer by ne_gal81
he needs to go to rehab, but of course, he needs to be willing to go. you begging him to stop isnt going to do anything. addicts are addicts. if he doesnt change/go to rehab and get clean, then you need to get away from him…not only for yourself, but for your children who shouldnt be subjected to that.
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. You mentioned God. Well, just give this problem to God, and QUIT worrying about it. God will do waht is best.
I don’t think you should feel hypocritical about DEMANDING that he stop using drugs! You are BOTH parents, and you managed to get yourself clean, and now it is his responsibility to do the same, for the same reasons. You mentioned him hitting rock bottom? Perhaps that will ONLY happen BECAUSE you do leave this relationship in order to show him how serious you are about his drug problem. For one thing, your 6 yr. old should not be around someone who is constantly high or drunk. That is affecting them more than you realize. And I wouldn’t let ANYONE like that handle a newborn for God’s sake! Please, do what your head and heart are telling you to do! Either you leave, or make him leave! I know it is not as simple as all that, and you will need alot of support and encouragement from those around you, but you really have no choice in the matter. It is the children’s lives and future that has to be the top priority. Enough with the guilt and worrying about HIS feelings on whether he will give up on himself, he already has and he’s taking you and your kids down with him! Get tough. Your kids need at least ONE of you to be the role model and strong. Seek out that support group for loved ones of addicts, maybe they can help with some of the roller coaster emotions you go through. Best wishes to getting on the right path and not looking back, and hopefully he will want to join you on that path.
Your best bet is rehab if thats not an option financially than a detox center followed by rigorous 12 step work is prolly is best bet. The thing about cocaine is that for a drug with so little physical addiction it can be a mother f***** to kick. I’ve done everything under the sun but cocaine is definently in the top three hardest to kick. I started doing cocaine in high school mostly because everybody there seemed to do it and as one of 3 scholarship students in a private school of 500 I was desperate to fit in. All that it did was close a lot of doors that I worked so hard to get open. Because of cocaine I’ll never get to graduate high school, go to college, see my daughter, hell because of a conviction I can’t even vote. The hardest thing for me though is knowing that I have a daughter I can’t see that I only hear about from a letter once a year at Christmas time. Don’t get me wrong I’m greatful that I could find her a good home with good people but everyday I have to remember that I couldn’t giver her those things. I have to deal with the loss of one child. the abscense of another and the knowledge that any other kids I have will have to go through the same bs that comes with growing up poor. I never wanted that for my children. I really hope you and your boyfriend can find what you need, good luck.