2012-02-10
In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: abused, afer, back, being, drugs/alcohol, kids, wife /
Question by forgivemekell: How do I get my wife back afer I have abused her and the kids, while being on drugs/alcohol?
I blacked out a few weeks ago and hit her in the face. The kids didn’t see it, but the police were called and I spent a few days in jail before being convicted of spousal battery. We have been together for 14 years and she refuses to talk to me right now. I am so very sorry!!!!!!!
Best answer:
Answer by Paige
You need to move on because it isn’t going to work. She is going to live in fear of you and do you want that? Start off fresh with someone else.
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Tell her that. Over and over and over. But remember, actions speak louder than words so get yourself into some sort of substance abuse program. Work on your issues. And maybe then she might consider allowing you back into her life. If it were me, however, you wouldn’t have a chance in hell.
Seek counseling not only for drug abuse but anger management. If you really want your family back this has to be done before that you can heal not only yourself but your family. Good luck
You don’t deserve her back. You dishonored and disrespected her. I’ll bet this was not the first and only time.
You chose your FIX over anyone or anything else. It does not matter how long this has been going on…14 or 140 yrs. You done her wrong.
You tore up your partner card along time ago.
U need to volunteerly go to anger managment AA meetings and suggest marriage councling if ur truly sorry and love her and dnt want it to happen again then this is exactly what needs to happen plus it seems like it will benifit ur whole family she’s been with u this long so her seeing u trying to make a difference will mean the world to her right now
Should have learned 13 yrs ago.I mean her not you.
You should have learned sooner than that.
All you can do is apologize then PROVE to her you have changed by getting off the drugs and alcohol.Church is a good start so is rehab.
The United Pentecostal church is good.The LORD loves you and has a plan for you, but sometimes we break things that can not be fixed and GOD is not going to force what you want on her.
You get things right,prove to her you have changed(this will take a yr or so maybe longer) then you might have a chance.Read Matthew 11:28-30 1 Peter 5:7 John 3:15-17 Romans 5:12 John 3:1-5 and Acts 2:38 and pray.GOD will help you to do what is right and HE may even help to put the marriage you ruined back together.At this point, what have you got to lose?
You can be sorry all you want but your wife and your children will never forget these kinds of things that happen, they are traumatic for them. If you ever want to have a chance of being in a happy relationship, I would suggest getting help with your drug and alcohol problem first, then worry about other things second.
Give her some time to cool down. If she doesn’t talk to you for a very long time, you can’t blame her! In the mean time you need to bust your butt in getting cleaned up. She isn’t ever going to want you back if you are the same old “loser” who hit her in the face. No offense, but that’s the way she probably sees you at the moment. When she does finally talk to you, ask her what she wants you to do, and then do it. You are basically at her mercy, and you will have to meet all of her demands. Otherwise she will probably be done with you.
you don’t get her back. you learn from your mistake and never treat the next woman like that. also, get yourself some help before you find another woman.
By showing her you are serious about getting clean, and checking into a rehab. I agree that her abandoning you in a time when you are abusing drugs and alcohol is not going to bode well for your recovery so show her you really want to get off drugs and need her to be there for your. Explore addiction treatment options here: http://www.careflorida.com
I wonder whether the question that you should be asking is ‘how do I make sure I never abuse my family again’, rather than ‘how do I get my wife back’? Only you and your family will know how you have behaved over the past 14 years, so trying to answer if you can get her back or not is almost impossible for any of us to say. But the one thing you can do is make sure you never put your wife and children at risk from your alcohol and drug related violence again by getting in to recovery and working on it so you never find yourself intoxicated to the point of battering you loved ones again. AA is a great support group, but you may well need some more intense help to stop drinking/using and address the shame/anger/guilt and sadness that your treatment of your family has caused you. There is lots of help available, check out http://www.steps2rehab.com for some info about where and how you can get help.
Everyone is different, some woman would run a mile if their partners hit them, others may have a different take and if you get your substance abuse problems sorted you may have a chance of remaining in your families lives – if you don’t address your drinking and underlying reasons for doing so, then I wouldn’t expect any mother to put their children in harms way.
The only way to improve your situation is to take responsibility for what you have done – you might have been drunk, but that doesn’t excuse what you did, however it may provide an explanation – so get well and prove to yourself and your family that you can change your ways – it won’t be easy, but regardless of if you get your wife back your life will improve.