Question by …: How to explain to children who are effected by drugs or alcohol?
about why they are sick.
How can this be done without demonizing their mothers?
Can children understand that addiciton is an illness?
When is a good age to start talking about it? It it better to talk about addiction in general, that way when they learn about their history they already have an idea of what it’s about?
Anything would help.
Thanks
Best answer:
Answer by jeromykscott
Yes, they surely can. If you tell them in a DECENT way that their mother is sick, with an illness called addiction, that affects their mood and or life. But please please please do not degrade their mother, it will only lead to problems with your relationship with them. I lived through this.
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this is a touchy subject and very sad, if they have been affected by the drugs or alcohol hopefully they are seeking treatment for any long term damages they may have, also ithink its important for them to know but make sure all the imformation about what happened is available to them, and offer counciling so they can deal with any emotional damage they may suffer, i would definatly wait till they are old enough to understand
This is quite hard but something that needs to be done, i myself have been affected by this since my mother started an addiction to alcohol when i was 3 years of age and then my 3 brothers afterwards. I knew from a young age and i understood more and tried to help my mother out more than hating her for the way she was however my 3 younger brothers now 14, 5 and 2 have a different attitude. my brother never really got told therefore never understood and still doesnt to this day therefore doesnt have a great relationship with my mum. my little brother who is 5 understands and loves my mum dearly but noes when she is “ill” and just stay out of her way whilst i go in to help and take over the parenting role whereas the 2 yr old is too little too understand. my mother herself has tried everything but is addicted far too much now and we no there isnt much we can do but do explain it to children as they grow up so that they understand and try to help instead of growing up to hate them.
It sounds like you know a child who is sick and addicted to something.? I have no idea how this happened, but their parents have to be informed so that they can help them. They need help and very soon. Don’t wait. There is no problem or addiction that God cannot deliver us from if we go to Him with it and let your church help you.
Its never to early to start talking to kids about drugs and alcohol. Tell the children that they have good mothers who have just been affected by alcohol and drugs which are bad, and have a bad effect. I think that children can understand what addiction is if you explain it in something that they may understand better, candy or soda, many children are addicted to soda and candy, thats all the eat and drink, its bad for their body, just like drugs and alcohol. Too much of anything is bad for your body. It might make more since if you talk to them about addiction in general, like what it does to the body. If you talk they will listen. Its never to early! Good luck!
Depending on the age of the children, most children affected by drugs and or alcohol know that they are different than other children. Also, if both parents abused substances, they may have hyperactivity or attention problems. There are also physical problems associated with drug use during pregnancy. If the children have grown up in an alcoholic home for any length of time, they have learned certain unhealthy ways of coping. You can tell the child about 10 years old that their parents were sick. Then, when they are older, you can answer specific questions. Children these days find out many things through their friends, so it is important for them to get facts.
I have that issue, my father was an alcoholic, and i was more annoyed my parents didnt tell me than that he was an alcoholic. Just be honest, don’t call his mother names or belittle her, just state the simple facts.
you could say if you know her circumstances that life can be difficult and people often turn to unhealthy things to make them feel better like alcohol, bing eating, smoking etc and it doesnt mean that they are bad people they are just sick and need people to support them, just like when you feel sad when bla bla happens.
it is best to be frank and honest, but at the same time don’t patronise or stereotype her. Talk about other positive aspects of her if you know any. Also dont say you are better off not living with an alcoholic, even though it might be true your son will become defensive and feel that you have something against his b-mother. Just say because of her situation she couldnt look after him.
being an adoptee honesty is the biggest thing an adoptive parent can give, I have had secrets mountains high hidden from me by my adoptive parents, and i know they were trying to protect me, but I find it very hard to trust them now, and always feel paranoid that they are still hiding many things from me.
Good Luck, I am sure he will take the information well as long as you talk openly about it.
I’m adopted and both my bio parents were drug and alcohol addicted..i was told when i was like 12 or 13..honestly if didn’t make me feel less for my mother and father but i hope to meet them if they stopped doing drugs…and i kinda knew my parents were druggies b/c i was told i was test positive for cocaine and heroin and was also a fetal alcohol syndrome baby..so i kinda new since i was like 10 but was told at 12..
Yes, children can understand that addiction is an illness. It has been my experience that it needs to be met head on. I know it sounds heartless but it is the only way (in my opinion) to stop it from taking the child also.
Please don’t make excuses for the addict – it doesn’t help them and it confuses the child. If mommy or daddy is an addict yes their sick but it is a sickness they choose to keep or recover from – that it is their choice.
I’ve raised three kids that were/are affected by an alcoholic/addict. I can literally see the difference in the three of them in how I treated the illness of their fathers alcoholism/addiction. My first struggles with his own alcohol addiction now. My second acknowledges his father’s alcoholism but has no desire to follow in his footsteps. My third doesn’t recall having his bio father in his life and loves his father but recognizes his addiction.
When it comes to alcohol/drugs – please think about being brutally honest…in the end it is the only way I have found to not allow it to travel down to the next generation.
ADDITIONAL: There is controvery over whether alcoholism is genetic or environmental… I believe there is a basis for genetic but environmental plays a huge part in whether or not it continues on to another generation. It is a familial disease.
I know first hand about adopting a child when one or both parents were having addiction problems. The thing that you do not want to do is put bad thoughts in your childs mind. The bparents have a problem and it is no fault of the child. Yes, it is true that the addiction can be carried to the child . This child can grow up with the same problem of the bparents. Explain the situation to them so that they understand and if it is at all possible gain any knowledge of the bparents addiction and have proper information .