Question by delighted: How to move away from alcoholic abuser with 2 kids?
What is the first step to moving with kids. One is disable and the other is 4. I am in school and i don’t work at this time but i am ready to leave. I have been living with my baby father for 6 years and he has been an alcoholic from the beginning but i was stupid in love at the time. We have got into some serious one on one were the law was call more than once. I have been though so much with this man and yes he is a man. I haven’t work really since we been together but i will work. My school hours have been so crazy and having two kids it was very hard. I don’t want my baby to know what kind of dad he is. My mind was made up as of 12am Jan 1, 2009 I am leaving him, but I am just looking for which way to go first. Another thing is he love his son more than he love his self and that is one of our biggest argument don’t take his son away from him. Oh yeah he don’t want AA.
Best answer:
Answer by Gabriella
I don’t think you should leave him yet cuz you haven’t worked in years. Don’t SHOCK your mind, body, and soul. You need to do things gradually for yourself and kids. Work part-time for a year and then next new year pack your bags.
Don’t be unrealistic. Being a single parent mother is hard work and you don’t even know what WORK is. you have to prepare yourself for that long road ahead of you so that you can take care of yourself and your kids.
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There should be a center for abuse where you live. We have Shade Tree here which helps give you shelter, clothes, clothes for your children. Get on welfare and WIC and check into housing. You can get help getting a job and education. Best of luck!
1. Contact the child health and welfare authorities in your area
2. Go to a shelter if you can find no other place.
You must leave before you and/or the children are damaged beyond repair.
Go get help from a shelter – you don’t have to go to stay at the shelter – but the professionals there can help you come up with an exit plan. You will need to have an exit plan before you just up and go.
I’m glad you made up your mind to leave him…do it for yourself and your kids. Go to a women’s shelter until you can get a job and make money to get on your feet. Once your school semester is over you may want to consider moving to a new area where he won’t find you. You can leave him a note and tell him that he needs to get help and be sober before he will ever see his kids cause they deserve a good father.
Sweetheart, unfortunately alcoholics are among the most selfish beings on earth. He does not love his son more than himself, he loves the bottle more than himself. You are not enough, your children are not enough and your marriage is not enough to change him.
He doesn’t want AA so is not prepared to accept or change his alcoholism. There are other ways obviously, counselling and working with the doctor but AA is free and anonymous, a good first step to getting help without recriminations for him.
You say you’ve “got into some serious one on one” well I think I know what this means, and THAT will not get any better. You cannot afford to wait – there may be a lot that you would put up with but you don’t want your kids putting up with it. And you know you deserve better yourself. You are not to blame for his being an alcoholic so now is the time to make choices which affect only you and your children.
You could try a shelter who would home you temporarily until you find somewhere; go to your local Housing agencies; try AlAnon, the support group for family and friends affected by someones alcoholism; discuss this confidentially with a counsellor at school to see what help they can offer; seek out family and friends who can help; even try the Salvation Army or local church groups.
Start making a list of resources that can help. And remember that you are not taking his child away from him, he is giving it up to the bottle. He will still be able to see his child, when he is sober. Maybe if he gets clean your future could change but alcoholics can do the most serious damage to your self esteem and your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.
Time to quit, you’re right. Get a new life, one step at a time. Perhaps some disabled groups that your child might attend will also be able to help. Try your local library, parenting groups and welfare department as well. Good luck kiddo. You sound strong, keep it that way x