Question by Jenna73: Husband goes on drug binge every 6 months – ideas?
I’m 46, husband is 48. He goes on 2 or 3 day drug binge (cocaine) every 6 months or so. He is overweight and has asthma, so I worry like crazy when he does this. He doesn’t do it at home – he goes to his family timeshare and hangs out with his other friends that party. It makes me feel really anxious, and I’ve had to take dr prescribed ant-anxiety meds in the past when he’s done it. It also pisses me off, cause I’ve been drug free for 25 years, and I sure as hell don’t want to associate with it again (that’s why he doesn’t do it at home). I have 1 child from previous marriage that’s 22, and away at college so he doesn’t even know my hubby’s gone. Husband is a good guy in every other way. How can I either get over my anxiety or leave?
I have talked to my husband about it, and brought him to couples therapy. He basically told the shrink that he feels he has a right to “party” every now and again. He works, he pays the bills, he does anything and everything I ask him to – this is his idea of “me time”. Shrink told me with an answer like that, I had to make up my mind as to if I could deal with it every 6 months or not.
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Answer by Horatio Gomez
Pics or it diddn’t happen
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I think you should talk to him about it since it is affecting you to the point that you need medication. Maybe go on a vacation with him for those 2-3 days instead of him going to do drugs.
If he does it every 6months then he’s not an addict he’s doing it because he gets away with it. It’s scary to think what he’s actually doing behind your back. He could be doing more than what he is telling you(harder drugs). How do you know if he’s being faithful to you. I’m for sure you have asked yourself those questions. You can’t sit back and say nothing, he’s your husband. He shouldn’t be out partying like a single guy,he should be with you and enjoying life together. If this really bothers you then I would suggest seeing a marriage therapist. It would be better at least for the first couple of session to go alone. This way the therapist can give you advice on how to bring up couples therapy to your husband. I can imagine how rough this must be but know that you do have a choice.Good Luck, I hope it works out for the best.
To get over the anxiety, one option is to assume that each time he walks out the door to one of these binges that it will be the last time you ever see him. Then if he returns home, its just a bonus (or maybe a curse?).
Another option is to just go on with your business as if nothing is different and make a decision to worry about his death when it actually happens and not before.
Another option is to quit torturing yourself and file for divorce. Maybe this will shock him into reality – he can choose between you or the partying, and if he is not willing to stop the partying, carry through with the divorce and move one.
Well, of course you are right: obese, asthmatic 48 year olds have no business binging on cocaine. His attitude so much reminds me of my late husband’s attitude about smoking: “It makes me feel good, and everyone has to die of something”. Too bad he got lung cancer from smoking, and it metastisized to his brain and it was a year of f****** hell for me and my 15 year old son. 2 brain surgeries, gamma knife treatment, brain radiation, pain and suffering. I ended up having to take care of him the year of his cancer, and believe me, it was really difficult. That’s what addiction does to people: makes them use their common sense to justify their self abuse. Binging is also a part of addiction. He cares more about binging than he does about taking care of himself, which in the end effects everyone he loves and is responsible to.
In the end we can only lead the horse to water, we cannot control what they do. Instead of couples therapy, he might benefit from a drug rehab program. He thinks if he only does cocaine once in awhile that he is not having a problem, and that is just false. Everytime he does cocaine, he risks having a heart attack. There are worse things that can happen than death from a heart attack, like being totally disabled, unable to do anything because of heart failure from a heart attack or a stroke that devastates him.
Try and lead your horse to water. If he doesn’t want to change, you can’t make him. Then you have to go with the advice of your “shrink”. Also realize that the stress that you go through everytime he binges puts you into slippery territory. Take care of yourself. Try an alanon meeting, where you will meet other people who are struggling with similar issues, this can help you accept him for who he is and you will find that we can only control our selves, and even that is difficult!