In DRUG REHABILITATION / Tags: addict, been, drug, husband, keen, rehab, several, stay, wants /
Question by koos: husband wants his son (20) to stay with us. i not so keen as he is a drug addict. he has been to several rehab
we have 2 boys (13, 16) i’m scared they’ll be influenced as dad is mad about this son.
Best answer:
Answer by Hotcakes
Speaking from my own personal experience ( i have been an addict for 6 years) Drug Rehab’s NEVER work they are so lame. Your son will not give up til he is good and ready or forced to. You do not mention which drugs if it’s Heroin and he brings it into the house he will be very crafty and lie blind about it. You are right to be worried about the younger boys, as they may look up to him and think it’s cool, it’s NOT it is a hard road to follow. I have been an addict and only NOW am making a clean break. My advice is do not let him near your two boys til he can Prove by a clean drug test he is clean, and even then he may relapse many times, so keep him away for now ok ?
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Hmm, touchy issue.
Well parents are meant to be there for their children no matter what, so I guess I would give him a chance, but if he stuffs up, then that’s when I would start to worry.
First thing that comes to mind when you say drug addict is to hide all valuables, sorry but it’s true!
Is he currently rehabilitated? If you are worried about your children, perhaps have a chat with them about him, let them know that he has some problems and that it is best to stay away from that lifestyle as he is proof of what can happen.
Maybe think about some rules, and discuss them with your husband, voice your issues, and let him understand why you are concerned.
It sounds like you may have to give him a chance. Is he on the street?
You have to be honest with your husband and tell him because of his son’s past drug problems, you don’t want him living in the same house with your two sons. His son is 20 years old and if he has really quit using drugs, then it’s time he was a responsible adult, got a job and his own place.
That’s a bad move .. I think the son will pass this habits no to the kids… at that age they look up to the older guys.
Tell your husband that you are willing to help him get a place to stay, or he can stay with the mother, but since you have impressionable young children in the house, you feel it would be wrong to bring his son into the house. doesn’t your husband realize that he will steal everything you, your husband, and your children have, if he relapses and wants drugs again.
Tell your husband that drug addicts are know to relapse, and you do not want this kind of chaos in the house around your other sons. Explain that it is not a personal decision against his son, but a parental decision to protect the children that live at home.
Tell your husband his son can move in after he has been clean for a year and can prove it. Otherwise, you’ll have to put the safety of your two younger children first.
I guess when you take on a man who has children, they will always be his children for life…you can’t change that….his son needs help and support…. and if he does stay with you, he will have to follow the house rules-like it or lump it…he should also be closely monitored and maybe have a counsellor work alongside him and the family till he gets back on track…
Join up a local church with youth/young adult support services…and book him in for counselling to get his self esteem back on track…good luck!
Ask your husband when his oldest son who has a drug addiction brings drugs into the house, when something happens is he going to be responsible and accountable when Child protection services comes knocking at the door to take the 2 younger boys out of your home?
Is he willing to risk losing his 2 younger ones because of the behavior of his now adult 20 year old?
What should happen if the younger ones find drugs hidden around the house and end up either taking the drugs to school with them or start blabbing accidentally to other classmates at school?
At 20 years old, the son is an adult, call it tough love, but it works, if you take him into your home, there might be more problems than what its worth, especially if the younger ones start using the older brother as a role model.
Make your hubby read some of these responses , that will be a real eye opener. he can’t magically cure this kid of his addictions and he has to realize that, the boy has to want to help himself first, and he will risk losing his other younger sons god forbid something happens.
I would also give him an ultimatum , tell him if he moves the 20 year old in, you and the 2 younger ones will move out instead because you fear for their protection and don’t want to risk losing them to Child protection services or worse yet have one of the younger ones be influenced into experimenting with drugs and end up in the ER at the hospital because of your husband’s decision.
You say he is an addict but don’t say if he is trying to stay clean.
You should discuss it openly with your husband, with your sons present- they are old enough to hear what the situation is. You also might consider a contract with the son; spell out the rules and have him acknowlege them. I would insist he attend NA meetings. Good luck.