2011-11-02
In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: alcoholic, BETTER, going, leave, showed, Signs, spouse, them, would /
Question by dani: If your spouse was an alcoholic and was not going to get better or showed no signs of it would you leave them?
If nothing has worked and they are drunk all the time and lost their job would you leave them? What if you can kids young or adult age? I am not married but there is an alcoholic in my family and I am wondering what usually happens when they cannot stop.
Best answer:
Answer by priv828
yes. If I had tried everything to help them helpthemselves, and nothing? I would leave.
Staying would not only be enabling their addiction. It would be making my life hell.
Give your answer to this question below!
6 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
YUP
that’s a deal breaker!
If he refused to get help, I’d be gone…I was married to an alcoholic years ago (he did get sober for a while, then started drinking again about the time we split up-but it wasn’t the reason for the split)…it’s an ugly disease and drunks are typically not fun people (and often pose great danger to others)…
If I had kids??? I’d be even less tolerant of having a drunk around my kids…
Rehab!
Yes, I have a child. I wouldn’t want her around that. Alcoholics also tend to be abusive so I probably wouldn’t think twice about it.
Yes I would leave.. Kids deserve to grow up in happy home
Yes, if there was no hope of this person recovering and they didn’t aspire to be a better person, spouse, or parent, then I would leave. Sometimes the best thing you can do for people is encourage them to help themselves and then let them do just that. It is counterproductive to just be an “enabler” and allow someone to think that no matter what they do or how they treat you, that you will always be there no matter what. The idea of unconditional love isn’t always practical. You may love that person, but he/she needs to get help. Whether it be professional help, self-help, or both, they need help. It would be ideal if you are a strong enough person to be there for your spouse and help them through it, but sometimes this option isn’t always practical or smart.
You may love this person, but you also have to love yourself and understand your limits. It may get to the point where staying with that person isn’t doing anything to better you as a person and is hindering you instead. You can no longer be the spouse and the trustworthy friend that that person needs you to be because you feel drained from the relationship. You have to do what’s best for you and that person in the end. Let them know that you support them and want them to get help, but that you also have to help yourself by moving on. You can look out for yourself and that person at the same time, and sometimes moving on is the best option for both of you–if they truly love you, they will not want their behavior to affect you and drag you down with them. Leaving will not prevent them from getting help–he/she has to do so regardless–it may even speed up the process and allow them to realize that the consequences of indulging in self-destruction behavior can sometimes also be hurtful to others and detrimental to relationships. The best decision for all has to be made, especially if there are children involved! Those are my sentiments–hope I could help. Good luck.