2011-12-13
In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: alcoholic, boyfriend, kids, overwhelming /
Question by Sydney: Im 34 i have two kids and my boyfriend is an alcoholic it is overwhelming what do i do?
Best answer:
Answer by Darkbreeze
Break up with him and go live with someone who can support you for the meantime, like a sibling or your parents. Consider getting a job or getting married. Devotion is key.
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6 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
Get out now. It will only get worse.
Bob hit the nail on the head perfectly. You have to get away from this person as soon as humanly possible.
There is no other factor that is more monumentally destructive in a human relationship than alcohol abuse. This weekend, I read that the leading cause of death for people under the age of 40 in Russia is alcohol.
It kills many more people here in the US than have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The suffering, the family abuse, the grief of alcoholism is horrific. You already used the word, “overwhelming” in your question. You know the answer intuitively already. Protect your children, and do it now.
If you don’t do something about it, it’ll only get worse. Think about the kids too! If they’re young, now is the best time to leave. Don’t try talking or fighting with him while he’s drunk, he may become violent! Leave when he’s not home, get custody of the kids, and stay with someone you can trust!
You have 2 kids. They are your #1 responsibility and concern. Your sole job now through their age of majority is raising them to feel happy, healthy, loved and secure. This is impossible with an alcoholic in the house. It is also just about impossible with a boyfriend/stepfather. There’s all kinds of personal, emotional turmoil a woman goes through before finding the right guy, and trust me, your kids are feeling EVERY BIT of it. They don’t understand it the way you do, they don’t process it the way you do, they don’t feel the same about it that you do, and NEVER will. All they’ll remember, when they’re 50 years old, was that Mom was nutty about boyfriends when they were kids, and life kinda sucked.
So this one’s easy: Kick boyfriend out, for good. No more contact. No second chances (never, or almost never, works with drunks anyway).
The hard part: No more boyfriends until the kids are old enough to be on their own (18). Just think about all the crap you put yourself through with the boyfriends; now intensify that 10, 100 times over — that’s how your kids experience it. They’re confused, angry, scared, even if they don’t show it, and even if they won’t admit it. You need to be there for THEM, 100%. When you split part of yourself away for a boyfriend…oh honey, that’s cruel. If you’re paired up with — married to — their natural dad, then you need to be a mom and dad team. But a mom and boyfriend team…no. It’s way not the same.
So toss boyfriend out pronto, and start thinking real hard about your kids and being a mom to them. It’s hard, I know. Good luck.
Easy.
DUMP THE GUY ALREADY.
He’s not going to ever change.
You need to RUN away, as quickly as possible.
Do it now.
Send him to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Where’s the Bevan boy?