In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: destroying, husband, life, long, this /
Question by Suzy R.: My husband is destroying my life!!! this is a bit long?
My husband grew up in the same town, but finally met last November. Four month later we married. I have children, he does not…I have my own place, he lived with his parents..they paid all his bills since nothing he has is in his name and he has always lived with them except for about 3 years total. We’re 33 years old. I’m a hairstylist and have been employed at my place of business for 3 years now.
I shouldve seen it coming when he was on workman’s comp for 5 months of our relationship. He could never find work , so I always ended up paying the bills cause eveything here is in my name (he moved in with me).
Over the course of the last 7 months of marriage, he became physically abusive, and I started drinking again (I’m a recovering alchoholic), which turned into an ugly situation.
He recently found a job at a Tom Thumb only cause I pushed him to call the guy back for an interview. I kicked him about about 6 weeks ago when he hit me one last time…Since then my life has turned into a nightmare..
I’ve had an anonymous phonecal one time at 11.30 pm for child neglect, and I’m sure he made this call. I wasn’t arrested, but now I have CPS on my back for a fake phonecall and my children have been placed with my 62 year old mother who is having a hard time, but she would never let them go to foster care. In my heart I know he did it, although he denies it…
I gave him a benefit of a doubt out of lonliness, and tried to see if we could do some typef counseling, but he refused (i’m still going anyway.)
We’ve have been intimate cause he still is my husband but he hides it from his family, especially since his father put a block on his cell phone so I can’t call him now.
I found out today that he is talking so much trash about me, saying he left cause I was an alcoholic, and that was totally not the case!! He hasn’t told anyone about the physical abuse. I also found out he’s gone and shown some intimate pictures that we took together, to paople that know us both and telling them he’s using me for booty calls!!
I haven’t confronted him on it cause I’m gonna wait til he calls me which should be soon….To answer any questions, YES i’m disgusted and I am divorcing him, but how is the RIGHT way to approach this situation?? He’s always been VERY controlling of me since we got married in MARCh: isolating me from friends, checking my messages, snooping around after we split several times before this, but this isn’t a boyfriend…how could my own husband do this to me??
His family can’t stand me cause he’s telling him his side, and now he’s getting everybody in town to think the worst of me….WHAT NEXT?? and WHY would he do this??? What is the whole motive behind this
Best answer:
Answer by deleon_jenifer
y are u still sleeping with this man?? and u shouldve known from the beginning he was no good…what 33 yr old lives with his parents??he is a loser and a mommas boy..u need to get rid of him and get a divorce!!
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7 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
Get a damn good lawyer- if you need to go to a bigger city for a good one, go. Get a restraining order against him and keep your mouth shut about everything that is going on to everyone you know- do only what the lawyer tells you to do and don’t talk about your husband or the situation to ANYONE. Do all of your talking in court. And document EVERYTHING that has happened- the hitting, the verbal abuse, physical, the snooping, phone calls, all of the things that they should know about, with dates, if you can…. it will all come in handy in court.
I personally think you should look into saving your life by getting your lawyers in on this now and get him out of your life as soon as possible. Whatever you do once he’s gone, make sure you’re a better judge of character. Please take care of yourself and nevermind the whole neighbourhood. Truth will emerge sooner than later.
You need to do everything in your power to protect yourself and your children. DO NOT be intimate with him anymore, why would you allow yourself to be used? He will continue to abuse you. Now that your children are out of your house, the abuse will get worse. There are no little ears to hear or to witness his abuse. I hope you have documented every situation with pictures and a very detailed diary, that he cannot find. Place an order of protection against him. As long as you accept calls and visits from him it proves his case against you. And that is what he is telling others….. If I hit her would she still sleep with me? If I was abusive would she still see me?
Be strong, move on. Don’t allow yourself to be a doormat.
Im really sorry to hear about your situation but you have to do what is best for you and your children. Divorce is hard and you should get legal help. The lawyers can advise you as to what to do about filing for divorce, protecting your children and even getting a restraining order against him. The biggest thing is you have to say enough is enough. It doesn’t matter if on paper he is your husband, you are separated and getting divorced so you have no obligation to be intimate with him and don’t worry about what his family thinks of you. They are probably just as messed up as he is.
Madam,
Where did you find him. If whatever you wrote about him is true it is high time that you dump this good for nothing guy without a second thought. Why would anyone, let alone a lady like you undergo such an ordeal. I don’t know which country you belong to. I am an Indian, we Indian treat woman with respect. I feel really sorry for you. Turning alcoholic won’t serve any purpose. So quit that and build up strong will and confront him before he start blackmailing you.
Sorry,,i think you should just give him time and listen to your heart..
If you dont want him devorcehim and Move on… or else talk things out
You have made a very bad error in judgment, yes you should have seen it coming and no you shouldn’t have started drinking, but its done now you need to fix it. Stop sleeping with him, who cares if he is your husband, stop all contact you have no kids together, Its his abuse, your loneliness and your alcoholism that keeps you wanting to be connected to him, its not healthy, and it wont help you get sober and get your kids back!
Get yourself into treatment, get a restraining order and get a divorce. Focus on you and getting your kids back, nothing else matters.
As for his motives, He is abusive, that’s what abusive men do. He is punishing you for standing up to him but that does not mean you should take him back as things would get much much worse. He blames you and turns people against you because that’s what abusers do. He is hardly going to say, we are separated because i regularly beat the sh*t out of her, is he? He isolated you because its too hard to abuse and control you when your surrounded by love and support. Isolation is one of the very first things they start to do when they get you. It makes you feel like its harder to leave, making it easier for the abuse to continue.
Stop dwelling on what’s done and why, get help and get you kids back, this man is not worth another thought and her certainly isn’t worth your kids and sobriety…Good luck