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Question by EILISHA: “Needy Married Woman” Why Would a Husband say He’s Thinking About Divorce Whn I’m In a Binge Eating Program?
My husband is comtemplating divorce and has written a list of things that he want me to be, in order to continue the relationship.
On the list he mentions his needs as a woman “Not Being Needy” and a woman “Not being Manipulative” and as a requirement she has to “Be Purpose Driven”.
Here’s my situation:
I have been married for 9 years. I am a housewife(even though I held full-time job for 4 years of the marriage and made more than my husband).
My husband left me 3 times in the first 3 years of the marriage and then came back. I made the decision to dumb down, and take jobs making less money or sometimes no job at all. When I did this, my husband became happier and stopped leaving me, so I exchange a career for a happy marriage (6 years happy – so I thought).
I don’t have children(can’t get pregnant).
I have a bachelors degree in management but am unsure as to what, I want to do with my life (I lack real purpose in my life, I don’t know what to do about that – I prayed, I educated myself, I read self help books, I tried different kinds of jobs in different fields, I’m running out of options).
Whenever I work, If I am not content with the job, my husband says, “if you don’t like it then you can come off the job baby”. He also says that my attitude changes when I work. So I am confused , when he says that he wants a wife that is not needy!
Please help! When I dated my husband I knew how to conduct my self. I basically had the attitude that I could do anything I wanted and that I need nobody to support me for anything! But then I heard people saying that a husband needs to feel likes he’s needed in the relationship. When I started this behavior my marriage got way better but I lost myself in the process…
Isn’t a woman suppose to be “one” with her husband, and isn’t he suppose to take care of his wife needs? and isn’t it hard not to be needy, when you can only date that one man, for the rest of yur life(before I got married – I had lots of friends and some of them were considered to be friends with occasional benefits(but I stopped these friendships when my husband proposed to me)?
Best answer:
Answer by yahwhoooon
Yep, stay single, marriage is nuttin but problems.
What do you think? Answer below!
5 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
Marriage should be a symbiotic relationship. You should want the best for him. And he should want the best for you (even if that means you have a higher paying job). If one partner can only be happy with the other being dumbed down, then there is a dysfunction. It is probably time to move on.
Oh my poor confused sister. I’m not surprised that you are so confused. Your so-called husband is giving you dozens of mixed messages. It seems like the only thing your husband knows he wants is to leave. And as hard as it may be to hear, you may just be better off letting him.
A life partner – husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever – needs to be an equal partner in the relationship. By that I don’t mean earn the same money, or do the same amount of housekeeping, I mean each person needs to work as hard the other to contribute to the success of the union. As far as I can tell from your tale, is that he wants you to make all the changes in your life while he sits and moans that you’re not what he wants.
Somewhere, there is someone that will be proud of your intelligence and education. Someone that will match your compromises with sacrifices of his own. If your husband is not willing to be that person, than you and he may be much happier apart than together.
I hope things get better for you sister. You deserve much more than you are getting. You deserve to feel challenged and fulfilled as much as the next person. It’s time to reclaim your foothold and make some demands of your own.
Good luck!
L
(PS. Just for some perspective, I am happily married to a man that respects and honours me everyday with his willingness to match me on everything.)
You are never going to find real purpose in your life whilst you are continuously stifling the real you because of a domineering, insecure arrogant, controlling husband. What are you doing scarifying your life for his ego?
What he is saying is – his life is more important than yours, he is more worthy.
Never mind what a man needs in a relationship, what about what a woman needs, I thought we had moved past the dark ages of when men thought they ruled the roost and it was all about them?
You probably wouldn’t feel so needy from that man if you felt happy in yourself and with who you are- but of cause that is how he likes you!
Your husband obviously took your ‘needing him’ in the relationship as being submissive, dependent on him and generally as you being weak. He has exploited your good nature.
By the way your prayers have been answered, probably not in the way you thought but by giving you the information that you didn’t want to hear – but you know is right. You are an educated woman, don’t tell you can’t see where your proble
Well i didn’t read the whole thing because i didn’t need to, i read the first two paragraphs and i figured the whole thing out. Your husband is a real definition of a jerk. I am sorry if i offended you. This time YOU need to leave him because he is not treating you right. You mentioned how he left you 3 times, he probably has commitment issues as do many other people. But this is hurting you and making you feel like you aren’t good enough for him. This could be a bit of a domestic abuse situation because he is not letting you work. That is in the financial category of it. And a woman is not supposed to be with the “one” husband that doesn’t treat her right so please hun, you deserve so much better, you would feel so much better about yourself if you worked and got out of this relationship.
You sound broken down, and he sounds insecure… you both could use some therapy if you want it to work… here is a site to help you….also, for free….
hope you find the right therapist… not just anyone…. You need to find out who and what you are and what you believe now…..