Question by lk7916: Any adult children who grew up w/ alcoholic parents?
I grew up with two alcoholic parents. I am now 28 yrs. old. I am just wondering how it effects adults now that they are away from it. I wonder what behaviors of mine are due to my past. For example; relationships, stress, self esteem, jealousy, etc… I seem to think I am pretty normal considering the circumstances, but I am sure some of my negative behavior and personality must have been affected. I just want to know how other adult children of alcoholics feel it has affected them or if anyone has any insight.
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Answer by misunderstood
my parents were drunks drugies and my stepfather molested me. i am by no means normal now. im 21 and have alot of problems living life. some people can get over things like that. sorry i cant be of no help to you.
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They were second generation, meaning neither one drank or did drugs but were both products of alcoholics and mentally ill parents…Therefore thay had a whole slew of addicted, mentally unstable children when the next generation came around…
Sometimes… I wished my parents were alcoholics or drug addicts. Then I would have had a rational excuse for their behavior and ours (the kids).
Trust me… It hurts much worse when it seems to come from nowhere with no reason or rational explination anyone can see.
My Parents had there problems and I’m sure a lot of my drug use has youngster played a role, but you can not blame your parents for what you do now…If your a man ,take responsibility for your actions and remember it is always a good idea to forgive…
I can relate, 33 yrs old & 2 alcoholic parents. Our parents behaviors will have some affect on us. We have to remember we are in control of ourselves and what do we want to be to the people in our lives (our children or spouse). I am surviving everyday and my survival will continue one day at a time. I am not an alcoholic, luckily I was smarter to walk away, but just living and doing the right thing takes great thought. You have to be ready to confront anything that might come your way, so I hold on tight to my spirituality. Without it I would be a wreck!
Treat others as you want to be treated. Remeber you hardships only to help guide you to a better place not to dwell and be sad about.
though im not 1 the stress may b b cuz of them not paying attention to u now which affects ur attitude and other things.and maybe u might drink b cuz of ur stress.and u might have been little so u maight act like they act bcuz thats all u new
Adult Children of Addicts often have difficulties in creating and maintaining intimate relationships, because of many factors.
In the alcoholic family it is easier to lie then tell the truth and get beaten.
Often the alcoholic’s emotions waivers between being a total jerk and a depressive. Being in the midst of that emotional turmoil defines the personality of the ACA. Often “creating crises” are ways ACA’s make the world fit for them.
In order to break the habits and patterns you need to be made aware of them and work on changing them.
Also an ACA may in fact suffer to some degree a condition known as Post Traumatic Stress. PTS can bring back memories of incidents that happened even decades ago as if the memory was yesterday.
Seek Counseling, find the local Alanon family group in your area. I believe Alanon is better for ACA then the ACA program it’s self. I’ve attended ACA and it often wound up being a blaming session. The point is to get out of the blaming habit and get on with life ain’t it?
my dad was a drunk… now that i am taking abnormal psychology, i see all of the disfunction…. i cant even speak to the old goat cause every time i do, he just puts me down for going to school… i just figure that if i stay away long enough, i might be able to build up my confidence just enough to pass….
I lived with a parent or two consuming alcohol excessively for different periods.
The main thing discussed in Al-Anon (if you haven’t heard of it, it is a support group for family members of alcoholics) is co-dependence. Co-dependence involves a need to take care of others that often seems to be obsessive. I exhibited traits of co-dependence for years without realizing it. I basically was a doormat. I couldn’t say no to anyone and was overly generous with my resources and time. Basically, I took care of everyone else’s needs instead of my own. It took it’s toll. I was fatigued and confused as to why no one would return a favor. My friends didn’t help. They liked the comfy place to step on and clean their shoes. I don’t know what happened to change it all. I just had an enlightenment of sorts and said no more often and people stopped coming around. I learned that my real friends were, well, one (from many).
As for other effects, they can be many. Perhaps all alcoholics are dysfunctional to a certain degree. Some more than others. Alcoholic parents can basically lay a foundation for a dysfunctional family. Relationships within the family, if unhealthy, can effect a child’s perception of all relationship. The perceptions as a child may stay with you til adulthood and perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy relationships (involving abuse or co-dependence). I really could go on for awhile. I took a substance abuse and addiction class in college and we discussed family dynamics. I’ve also been to a few meetings of the ‘anonymous’ variety for classes and personal reasons. If you want more of my opinions or knowledge, you can email me. I don’t want this to turn into a book. *s*
One problem can be, you belived as a child all what was wrong (the chaos) was your fault, and the whole point:
YOU was the problem, and then got some idea as a adult, blaming yourself to much, feel to much shame and so on.
I’ve never felt wanted by my alcoholic father. It wasn’t until I recognized this that I saw how low my self-esteem had been. I always felt that I wasn’t worthy. According to my f*ucked up beliefs, everyone else was better than me, but I was never aware that is how I felt. When I wanted to hug someone, I wouldn’t do it because I felt like that they were going to tense up on me. I also had and still have crazzy fears like feeling that I am going to be completely adondoned at an unexpected time. This fear arises out of the many times I had been disappointed I think.
I hope this helps.
My father was an alcoholic and I never realized how much it affected my adult life until I picked up a book called Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. There are so many things in this book that made me realize I was not just a messed up individual with silly quirks. If you have time, pick this book up. You will be suprised on how much it explains all your adult behaviors.