2011-11-27
In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: alcoholic, being, civil, exhusband, going, Jerk, kids, more, through, years /
Question by SoCalBeachGal: How am I going to make it through 10 more years being civil (4 the kids) with an alcoholic, jerk ex-husband?
Best answer:
Answer by Joni B
Only with the Grace of God. I only have 1 kid and 5 more years, but I don’t have to deal with it right now cuz the judge stopped the worthless bums visits for now. If he’s drinking with the kids around, try it! Good Luck and God Bless.
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10 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
why put up with him?
don’t allow him to see the kids if he has been drinking and only talk to him when he is sober if it gets too bad get his parental rights taken away or ask him to seek help going to AA or detox depending on how bad it is
coma?
I don’t know honey but unfortunately he’s stuck like a burr in your saddle. Maybe he will get a DUI and have to go into treatment. That would give you some leverage in custody court. But until then you need to make sure he isn’t drinking when he takes your kids or he could hurt them. Either in a car accident or passing out and catching the house on fire by accident. Drunks and kids don’t mix !!!
If your a single mom raising kids then your already amazing and the love you have for kids will keep you going and help you make it through 10 more years! Being civil with exs in general is always hard but when theres kids involved it gets harder. Just smile keep things short and sweet and always make sure to keep it your way or the highway!
Perhaps thing’s will change during the years, some people do change, some stay the same.
It’s not pretty once the man you loved becomes someone so bitter in the end, been there with the case of the ex, he changed so quickly towards the end.
If he has drinking problem I would lean towards supervised vists. Kind of a happy medium there.. the children could still see him, but they would also have someone else there to be of a better watch.
10 years seems like eternity, but it’s not all that bad, and before you know it.. it’ll be up
Hang in there!
First off do not think of yourself.
Think of your children.
My father was an alcholic. And I mean chronic alcholic. It got so bad he drank day and night.
Even after the divorce his drinking still affected us kids even though we were teenagers.
Tell your husband he needs to go through treatment, and go to AA. Or he will not see your kids. If he takes you to court fine, and if he does not, I know it will be hard on the kids if he will not get help with his drinking. and if he is alright with not seeing them.
Here is a story. My sister life has been forever changed because of our fathers drinking. he is now dead.
he promised to sobber up for her wedding. he went two weeks with out a drink. missed wedding practice. Here he was at his place drunk, a relative went over there and told him to stop drinking and sobber up for the wedding. he never showed up to walk my sister down the isle. But he came to the church drunk and stood in the sacrasty and watched the wedding. we found this out later…. so while the limo stopped at the liquor store so we could get champagne. My father came walking out with two cases of beer. My brother was so pissed that all the guys in the limo had to hold him back. He was going to kick the shit out of my dad. I think he would have killed him. Beg your husband to get help for his children.
This is not about you making it through ten more years. you are making this about you. what about your children.. they are the ones who will live with affect of his drinking the rest of thier lives.
get your children in theropy. let them know it is not their fault. and please stop making this about you…..
Since killing him tends to be frowned upon, If you want to be civil, take my grandmother’s lesson to heart: “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”. It’s not written anywhere that you have to socialize with him. When you HAVE to talk to him regarding the kids and visitation, stick to the facts at hand. After a while, he won’t even bother you. If that’s impossible, then send him a letter, explain to him that with all the animosity, and for the sake of the children, you would rather have necessary communication with him in the form of mail or email. I’m asuming it’s been pretty bad, and he’s the controlling type who just wants to argue over unfinished business that doesn’t matter one way or the other as long as he proves his point? Well, this way he may win a few arguments as he vents in his letters of communication, but you’ve won the war as you no longer have to actually listen to him.
If your ex-husband is doing some of these things, then Family court is for you:
• always questions and criticizes how you
take care of the children
• does not come for visits on time or
comes to your house when he feels
like it
• does not return the children unless you
promise to give him money for gas or
bus fare
• brings the children back from visits too
early or too late
• calls to talk about the children and uses
that time to call you names
• spends his visits with the children
saying bad things about you
• teaches the children that it is okay to
use threats and violence to get what
they want
• uses his visits with the children to
change the rules and routines you have
made for them. For example, letting
them stay up past their bedtime, watch
TV all day or not do their homework.
You deal with this by detaching yourself from the situation. Alcoholism is a disease. Al-Anon can teach you how to deal with the alcoholic in your life.
Also, learn all you can about the disease of alcoholism.