Question by rudecat: How do I handle my ex turning friends and trying to turn my kids against me?
My STB ex is a closet alcoholic…I enabled him to hide his drinking. I confronted him several times and got lots of promises..not to quit, but to “slow down.” I fell into the trap of counting cans, dumping out bottles of liquor…trying to make him feel guilty, etc. I finally got tired of the two and three times a week binges, eventually became completely disgusted with him…particularly when he would become so intoxicated he would urinate in the bed…and sleep in it!! Or on the couch…or in our child’s bed, one particular evening…and on and on. When our kids (5 and 
began to notice his behavior, I had HAD IT…we are now separated…because I never went to any of our friends about it..(too embarrassed) he says I am lying about everything…and now is making up stories about how I have stolen money from him, how I am manipulating the kids, how I have had several affairs…etc. He twists the truth and plays the victim very well. SOME of our friends see through it and are very supportive of me…I don’t have a history of doing ANY of the things that he claims…and I work with children so I KNOW BETTER than to do something so negative to my kids….so his stories are NOT believable…HOWEVER…there are some “friends” who have actually confronted me about some of his stories! ….or that say how “ridiculous” my claim of is alcoholism is because they “never saw it.” My daughter is currently seeing a counselor because of the things that “daddy says about mommy”…she says she knows these things aren’t true and has even told him that , but she is getting help in dealing with him….taking her into a bathroom and questioning her…counting to three when she holds her hands over her ears…telling her that I am a liar…..etc. I just want to SCREAM the truth to some of these people…but have maintained a low profile and continued to keep my mouth shut. HOWEVER…it is getting harder and harder!! Any advice? Anyone else dealing with this kind of thing? How do I not let it bother me so much?? I am praying that God will watch over my kids hearts when they are with him, and he has even been told BY HIS LAWYER to stop the negative talk about me…but he continues! How do I get him to stop?
Best answer:
Answer by sunshine11
You can’t so continue to delicately watch his life unfold as you wait in the distance. To say or do anything at this point only smacks of sour grapes and makes you further seem like the unstable wife he claims you are. It’s hard but when things unravel which they will you will be there holding your head high realizing you made chicken soup out of chicken poop. You deserve the dignity I plead you to accept behind a veil. Good luck
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1. Take a grenade
2. Tell him to bend over
I’ll let your imagination finish.
Hey, talk to your lawyer, he is slandering your name and you could even get compensated for that. You could even get it to where he has to pay for your daughters councilor. The friends taking his side are not good friends, stay away from them, they never seen him doing it, but they never seen you doing any of the lies he has told you either. Take him to court for the slander, and if he is talking negatively about you to the kids, you can make it to where his visitations are less and supervised. Talk to your lawyer, if he can’t help, hire a new one! Slandering your name is a crime! I feel so bad for you,but more horrible for your children right now, you have to be strong for them, he should not be putting them in the middle of this. Continue to let your lawyer do the talking, don’t make a scene and leave the ones who won’t believe you alone, even when you win the case, they aren’t good friends.
Well im a little confused because you say that you were too embarassed to tell anyone what was going on but then later you say that people have called your claims ofhis alocholism being “ridiculous” which contradicts yourself.
then….even farther down the paragraph you go back to sayng youve mantained a low profile and kept your mouth shut. My advice to you is that you get what you give. If youre going around telling people about his personal struggle with addiction then hes gonna feel backe into a corner and angry and say anything to hurt you abc kin the same way weather its true or not.
at least you will know who your true friends are when its all over…the ones who stayed your friend, didnt question you or even bring it up unless you did first.this would only be feeding the fire. carry on your conceling for your daughter and focus on them and only them becasye they are really the true victims here.
You really can’t get him to stop…my ex sounds just like him. I actually have to act like i plan on getting back together just to get him to take care of our kids. I am so sorry that is happening to you and hopefully the judge will see that you are trying your best to keep from tainting the kids. I am even more sorry that he is doing that to your kids. I know that doesn’t help but maybe if you explained to him that his daughter will look to him to see how a man should treat her when she is older, he may think about how he is acting.
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