Question by The January Jingle: How does an alcoholic parent effect their children?
Best answer:
Answer by Gonzalez
My husbands dad drunk like crazy & my husband wants to but dont bc he is quite dumb when he drinks My father is horrible with drinking & i have NEVER tuched it. so i think it depends on hoe the parent acks drunk & who the child is
What do you think? Answer below!
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It depends on the level of alcoholism. My father was a functioning alcoholic, so for me his alcoholism equaled Party Time. We always had tons of people over and my dad was very silly and fun when he was drunk. So for me, between ages 14 and 28 or so, I thought a party was where everyone is supposed to get drunk.
My ex had an abusive alcoholic father who couldn’t keep a job. He grew up an abused child, and now he’s very mistrusting and very controlling over everyone. He was also violent on occasion.
One thing about almost all children of alcoholics – when they get older they’re more likely to be able to hold their alcohol. Whether or not they actually drink, most of them (not all of course) can drink a lot more than their peers before becoming drunk. Back in my party days, I could down 12 beers in one sitting and still stand up straight. The chances of a child of an alcoholic becoming an alchoholic themselves is pretty high too. I was lucky I never became one, but many kids face that risk.
Sometimes it makes the kid feel like they did something wrong, which caused their parent to be an alcoholic. Some feel embarassed. Some feel alone. Some feel like their parent is stupid. There’s so much more to it. I guess it just depends if someone else is there for them.
my father drank like a fish. i wont go near the stuff when i am have my children. every once in a while i will drink, but only and i say ONLY if i have someone to watch my children. my husband and i wont drink together unless the children are with a sitter, because i remember my father. when my mom was away we could do just about anything. as long as we didnt get my dad attention. if we got his attention then he could get really mean really fast. i learned how to minipulate a drunk at a young age. (not something i am proud of) and i dont want my kids to go through that. so there for there is rarely ever alcohol in my house. i dont mind others haveing a couple drinks around my kids but if you wanna get slobbering fall down drunk don’t expect to do it in my house. I saw what it was like growing up adn my kids dont need that!!!!!
besides that children of an alcoholic parent are more likely to become alcoholic themselves. which is one reason i try to stay away from the stuff i dont want to go down that road and it could be a short ride for me.
It all depends. Some people who are alcoholic are so ‘immune’ to it, they can drink a great deal and not show a lot. All alcoholics are certainly not violent, all are not mean.
I am not defending anyone who is an alcoholic parent, but some do not do terrible things to their kids.Sometimes the kids become the parents and vice versa. Kids sometimes have to help the parents, maybe fix dinner if the mother is too drunk, get the younger kids off to school if the parents are hung over, things like that. Kids of alcoholics are either more likely to drink themselves, or never touch it.
But it is always hard on the kids. I knew kids who had alcoholic parents and also relatives and friends. A girl in her teens thought it was perfectly normal for parents to be drunk and could not understand other kids’ parents who did not drink, like there was something wrong with THEM. These were not abusive people, although they talked about things that should not be discussed in front of kids.
Of course the abusive ones are much worse, but there are abusive parents who don’t drink. Often if there is one parent who drinks and the other does not, he or she is an ‘enabler’ who makes it possible for them to continue drinking to keep from having problems or even abuse, especially if the husband is a drinker who can be abusive to his wife and/or kids.
I know I sound like I’m defending alcoholics, I’m not, but they can’t all be put into one thing.
It depends on the parent and how they respond to alcohol. Some are mean and hit their children and spouses, or rage at everyone for no reason. Some sulk. Some pass out, and some act funny. Personally I don’t think I’d ever want my children to see me drunk because it does not set a very good example. And it’s sad that in the one poster’s case it caused her to think that no party would be complete without alcohol. I’m sure she realizes differently now, but still, it’s sad to project that image to a teen who is very impressionable.
Besides, being drunk can affect your judgment. I read not too long ago where the child of an alcoholic nearly drowned in the toilet and she had no idea. The kid could have died. So in some cases, I guess you could say it could be fatal.
Well… My sisters grades are suffering in school, she has NO friends, and is not much of a social person. My brothers (18, 21) not only drink with her, but also smoke weed with her. My youngest brother is doing good despite all of this, though he can be a bit moody at times..
Me..it affects me like this, there is nothing i can do about it because CYS can’t proove that it is all going on, either that or they have “more serious cases to deal with”… It also affects me because our mother drinks and drives..if something were to happen i’m the only one capable of taking care of my 15 and 13 year old siblings who are the only minors still in the “care” of our mother.
Add in there the two older boys do nothing with thier lives, still live at home with her, have no jobs, and have no abition in live.. My 18 year old brother also has a child!
Statistically, children of alcoholics are over 50% more likely to grow up to alcoholics.
The disease of alcoholism affects the entire family, which is why recovery is also recommended for family members through Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al Anon and Al Ateen groups. Depending upon how the parent functions, how the other parent enables the addiction and what is said about it, children can get caught up in several unhealthy roles in the family structure. Most are unhealthy ways of relating and behaving within the family structure. Also, children can be prone to accepting responsibility for the alcoholic, when they really have no control over their parent’s disease. And children of alcoholics are also prone to grow up to marry an addicted partner.
I’m a child of an alcoholic and have been in a marriage with an alcoholic. I had to end my marriage because I realized that my children needed to have a healthier life and home.
My ex drank, and was very selfish. He was abusive verbally as well. When my young son (7) began to mirror his father’s disrespectful behavior towards me, I really knew I had to change our situation. I knew that my kids deserved to be free from his addiction and the chaos he brought to our home.
Alcoholic parents really don’t want to understand that their addiction is hurting those around them. If they haven’t yet reached a place where they can admit they are alcoholic, they are even more unable to take personal responsibility for the effect they have on others. Their partners may play a role in enabling the alcoholic by covering for them or allowing them to continually shift the blame for their addictions. The children, seeing these behaviors, learn some unhealthy ways of relating to others and coping with life’s problems. Or they learn to enable others. They also might struggle with trust: first of their own perceptions and second of others. Because of the instability of their family, the chaos and the learned behaviors, children of alcoholics will grow up to have trouble choosing positive partners, having healthy relationships and coping with life without the use of drugs or alcohol.
There are tons of publications on this subject! Here’s some online articles for you read. As well, there are a few good books you might want to look into.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/homework/a/blchild.htm
http://www.healtalk.com/public/37.shtml
http://allpsych.com/journal/alcoholism.html
http://www.addictionrecovery.net/alcohol-abuse-at-home-how-does-alcohol-addiction-affect-children/
Here’s some good books:
“CoDependent No More” by Melodiy Beattie
“Adult Children of Alcoholics” by Janet G. Woititz
“‘It Will Never Happen to Me!’ Children of Alcoholics: As Youngsters” by Claudia Black
Hope this info helps you. Take good care and if you’re struggling in this area, get help! Look up Alcoholics Anonymous online and find a meeting in your area. They can also lead you to Al Anon, which is for families of alcoholics. Good luck.
R