In ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT / Tags: abusive, alcoholic, chronic, drunk, gets, kids, sister, wants /
Question by Lee: i have a sister that is a chronic alcoholic. she gets drunk and abusive and wants to see my kids?
my sister gets drunk, and yells and screams at the top of her lungs. after a while her husband will usually beat her. she always wants my kids and i love to have them in her life, but i don’t like her lifestyle and my wife thinks that just because she is family i should void it out and just accept that is her family. what should i do in this situation? I just rejected her visiting them at her house today and it is starting all kinds of problems i don’t need today. am i in the wrong?
Best answer:
Answer by Scott
I think you did the RIGHT thing for the sake of your childrens’ safety. You did not cause your sister’s problems, and she’s the one who will have to deal with them. If you love her, continue to do so because she’ll need the support. As far as her being abused, someone (you) need to call the police. And your sister, it sounds like she needs some alcohol treatment – and I’m not talking about that AA crap, I’m talking REAL alcohol and substance abuse treatment, whether outpatient or residential. If your kids are worth staying in your sister’s life, she will get her ac together and get treatment.
EDIT: DD below, be careful assuming this person has suffered from abuse in the past – you have no proof of that. And those having been in AA before, I do apologize for my comment about it being “crappy.” I suppose I was on my soapbox at the time. Having been a substance abuse counselor in the past, I’ve have some real issues with some heavy substance abusers thinking AA was enough and it just isn’t for a lot of people. I do agree AA can benefit a lot of people and commend those who had maintained their recovery. At the same time, in a situation like this, a more structured form of treatment than AA I think is necessary. I suppose some could argue that AA isn’t necessarily treatment but I understand some will disagree.
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the only thing you are wrong about is NOT listening to your wife about this , because she is right on.
the next thing you are not right about is letting your sister be abused without reporting it to the police and getting her out of there bvefore he injures, her , the children, and or kills them all and himself…………it is called domestic violence
that you dont know these things, tells me you were raised in an abusive family and household where your own mom was abused and no one did anythign to help her either…..
love is not painful………..love is not abuse
there are quizzes at oprah.com by gavin debecker that tell a person how high the risk is of being killed by an abusive spouse………you should get your sister out of there and NEVER let your children around all of that abuse NEVER
they will become very fearful of people and relationships and you ;are actually endangering their lives……….listen to your wife,and keep her away from them and report her husband to the police and help her get out and get help. look up domestic violence and counselors in your area under crisis shelters, or mental health in the yellow pages
and call social services in the blue pages under state, and tell them what is happening over at her house, because it is still child and adult abuse
loveisnotabuse.org
As a recovering alcoholic who works the AA crap I would suggest that you keep your children out of the situation with your sister. You’re there to protect your children and not place them in any harm.
I do agree about calling the police if her husband is being abusive. Your sister won’t get help with her drinking until she’s sick and tired of being sick and tired of drinking. That’s when I was finally ready to surrender and get help.
If she’s a harm to herself or anyone else you can have her committed.
I’m sorry your wife doesn’t agree with you keeping the kids away, but your sister is suffering from a disease. If your sister had any other type of disease I’m sure she would agree to keep them away. Just because your keeping the kids out of harms way doesn’t mean you don’t love your sister.
Us alcoholics some time have to hit a bottom and loose every thing and everyone around us before we get help.
Best of luck!
That “AA crap” has been working wonderfully for this recovering alcoholic for the last 25 years. Sounds like the therapist has a resentment.
Your sister has to want to change. Hit bottom just like my friend says.
Please get your children away from the active alcoholic and the abuser!!! Have you ever been a child in a house with this behavior going on? I have, and it is nothing short of terrifying. This is a very sick relationship and you, your wife and your children don’t need to be exposed to it or endure it.
I know it may seem cruel to stay away from your sister but these are exactly some of things that make us stop and take a look at what our drinking costs us. I would tell her that until she sobers up, your kids are not safe with her so you will be keeping them away for their own health and well being. Telling an alcoholic the truth is the best way to help them.
I agree that you should not let your children anywhere near her , and that you should call the police abvout the violence over there, and then find a rehab place or something that will take your sister.
I think DD missunderstood the position of your sister,(it is unclear what you said there) is sounds, and no , it is not ok to let them be around her, your sis, like this if at all. it is a very bad role model and your wife should not support this either.
the children will be learning all the wrong things, for sure, and become fearful as well
YOU are right in not letting your children around all this, reporting the domestic violence against your sister, and getting her drug rehab help .
I dont agree that AA is ‘crap’
and i think DD thought it said you thought it was ok , not your wife……your wife is not right.