Question by Ella: Internet / Cell phone addiction a MAJOR problem with teens?
Is this a major issue, now a days ? It seems like a lot of teens are way to desperate for their phone and computer. Like, so desperate that it’s almost like it’s crack to them.
I mean, I just asked a question about my daughter going behind my back. She used her cell phone / computer to bully a girl, so I told her that she isn’t allowed another phone or personal internet until 16 (she’s 14). She doesn’t need those things anyway. If she needs the internet – go to the library. She went behind my back with job money and bought another phone, which I then canceled because it was immature and irresponsible when I had told her none until 16.
Anyway, some of the answers I got were sad. People were saying things like “You’re so harsh. Ground her for only a week” or “You’re being a bully by doing this yourself. You probably cut off her only way of speaking to friends” and “Just let her have the stuff back, she’s going to be soo miserable without it. I don’t know what would happen if mom did this to me !”
Is it just me, or does anyone else find this pathetic ? Kids feel that they NEED phones and the internet to live. And how did I cut off her *only contact* ? Whatever happened to using a land line .. or I don’t know .. actually getting off of your asss and going outside and speak to them face to face ?
Even my own daughter claims that she’s *to depressed to move* because she can’t have those privileges back. And her displaying that behaviour I think, only shows me that this punishment is doing her a world of good.
Best answer:
Answer by Oscar
It looks like she doesnt realize that your her parent and that she needs to respect and listen to you, If she keeps acting up i would extend it to 18
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11 ResponsesLeave a comment ?
good for you! you just have to take it from them. my 17 yrs old brother its on the computer all day long. but my mom and dad just tell him get off. he doesn’t and they just keep telling him over and over again. i told mom she needs to take the computer when his @ school and put it somewhere outside the house.
why did you give her a cellphone and an laptop at 14? that shouldn’t be. when my son is old enough he will be buying his own cellphone after highschool. and your daughter is wrong. no your being harsh, i think you did the right thing by taking it away for 2 years. a child doesn’t need these things at 14. and she should have gotten her hiney hit as well for going behind your back. i feel its pathetic that kids need these things when really they don’t. if your daughter is too depressed oh well there is more to life then a computer and a cell phone and she needs therapy if she is depressed because she can’t use them.
I have nothing but praise to you for being firm and standing your ground, you are being absolutely fair. It sounds like this punishment has come just in time, and will undoubtedly indeed do her a world of good.
Hi Leannah,
I think you handled this issue with your daughter very well. I have done the same with my own teens at times enforced a complete ban. I also think you suggest a very good alternative, use the library which restrict use to certain sites, to me it’s better than school where the kids can browse freely. Back to your daughter though, your right to stick to your guns because she will do it again if not taught a lesson and apart from not being able to stay in contact with friends, the net can be a dangerous place for teens.
BIG issue…. seemingly insurmountable.
I saw this sense of entitlement and ‘not being able to *gasp* LIVE without cell phones and myspace’ syndrome coming when my (now almost) 20 year old was in middle school.
So, I harshly (as you were called in some of the answers to your other q’s about this subject) decided that this would NOT be an issue with our younger children.
They have never missed what they have never had !
eta@ tabbie annie….. I think alot of us provide our children with cell phones and computers thinking that there will never be an issue, and it takes us by surprise when there are… I know I had all the faith in the world that 1) my daughter wouldn’t do anything that she wasn’t supposed to be doing, and 2) there was no way that kids would be using these things to do anything else besides school work, and maybe playing some games…
boy, was I naive !
I have to agree with Happy Mummy, I think what you did is right on, and you’re not being harsh at all. I only wish my grandmother had done something like that when I was younger. I’m 23 and go nuts without my texting or internet, lol. I’m not the point that I can’t function without them, but I definitely don’t like being without them. I agree that cell phones and internet have gone WAY too far with teens anymore. How did she manage to get a cell phone behind your back anyway? I didn’t think anyone under the age of 18 COULD purchase a phone, etc… unless it’s a prepaid from Wal*Mart or something along those lines. Ground her until she can realize that YOU are the parent, even if it means that she doesn’t go ANYWHERE without you, period, for a while. She needs to learn that YOU are the adult, YOU are the parent, therefore YOU are in charge, and things like going behind your back to get a phone, etc… will NOT be tolerated. So far I think you’re going in the right direction. Do NOT give in and give the stuff back, for any reason. She has plenty of other ways to talk to her friends, including land lines, going outside to talk with them, etc…. and I’m sure she can speak to them at school, etc…. She may act like it’s the end of the world now, but, in the long run, it will do her a world of good in the future. Be firm and stand your ground, despite what she may try to get the things back.
ETA: I have three boys, ages 4 years, 2 years, and 8 months. NONE of them will be getting a cell phone before age 16, period. If they need one (i.e. to get ahold of me while they’re out with friends, etc…) they can either use their friend’s phones, or I may bend and get them a basic phone, no cameras, no texting, etc… (if they’re even still AROUND at that point), but that would be about it. Internet access will be monitored, with parental controls set on the computer, and will ONLY be used for school use until the age of 16, and even then it will be monitored. There will be NOT computers with internet access, etc… in their rooms, and their cell phones WILL be given to me once they’re home. It may sound harsh, but that’s just fine with me.
Once they’re old enough, they will also be getting a job in order to help pay for these privileges. If they don’t help pay the bill for these things, then they will be removed, period. Like I said, to some it may sound harsh, and that’s fine with me. I would rather my kids think I’m harsh then allow them to do what they want, when they want, with a cell phone or the internet, and end up in serious trouble. The internet can be a dangerous place, and I do NOT want to set my children up for such dangers, for any reason, or anyone.
I get it, you guys either don’t have teens yet or are only able to focus on the little things. The issue with the cell phone is that it was given at an age where the girl didn’t need it in the first place. So take it away, no biggie. The computer is a different story, the chatting with teens is now how socialization occurs. It is also needed for school work and it is the future. The mistake again was not monitoring it, parental controls and all that jazz. Now your all upset because you were being kind and it backfired. All could have been prevented f the teen safety tips for computer and phones was followed. Those that don’t or won’t evolve with society will fall behind and be lost in it’s wake. The focus is still on the punishments, whether they were fair or not? It doesn’t really matter because the same formula doesn’t work for the same kids. You still have the bigger issue of why is your 14 year old kid doing this stuff. Punishment wont solve that issue and that’s the one you need to fix.
i think she doesn’t deserve to have a phone its a right not a privilege its her fault for bulling the person she bullied shes in the situation she in now because of her actions. She will NOT die without her phone/computer. Please send me some emails on updates at autumn_neal8668@yahoo.com
If my daughter ever bullied a girl, or went behind my back to buy another phone, I wouldn’t let her have a cell phone while she’s under my roof at all. Phones, laptops, and ipods are not necessities. And I find it even more outrageous that parents just hand their children these things, not expecting them to pay for it. And then it becomes like their God and if it is taken away from them they think they can’t live and they become “depressed”. Whenever I wanted something I always had to pay for it myself, and I’m a pretty kick as$ person because of it.
and I find it almost comical that your daughter went behind your back to get another cellphone. It seems like she didn’t think it through, how did she think she would get away with that one when the phone bill came? or maybe she forgot you actually have to pay for these kinds of things in life…
I’m also 14 and people saying 14 istoo young to have a phone i often go out for 12+ hours and a phone is necessary e’g.too contact my parents and friends.
With the laptop issue i admit i overuse mine however it is also useful for homework.
So it isn’t pathetic.
I design websites for a living, so my career depends on it.
-Billy