Question by Kate: Teen Daughter of an Alcoholic Looking for Support?
I’m a 17 year old daughter of an alcoholic mother with type 1 diabetes. Her alcoholism caused my father to divorce her and now my step father who is most likely an alcoholic is the only one bringing in money and continues to buy her alcohol, even when she refuses to leave the house. Lately i’ve gotten very frustrated with her drinking and her refusal to even try to stop. I find her drunkenness to be embarrassing in public and when i bring friends or my boyfriend over. I don’t really know what to do anymore because i have no ability to change her and i can’t get out for at least another year. if anyone has any advice for me it would be much appreciated.
thank you so much for your help. i’ve tried to talk to some of her family but she’s done so much to push them away that no one really wants to deal with her. my father has tried to do a lot for her, even after the divorce but to no avail.
Best answer:
Answer by Adam C
Alcoholism is a very hard dilemma to deal with, for the people around the alcoholic, and the person themselves. My mother was an alcoholic as well, and used to walk out on us constantly when we were younger, leaving my older sister and father to take care of us. She needs support from other “good” influences, such as brothers or sisters to help her realize she has a problem. Even confronting her yourself can be a hard situation to deal with. In the end it is really up to the person to know they have a problem and change it. If you can try contacting anyone that is close with her, whether it be friends or relatives that can help support her in finding a better direction in life.
I prayed to God a lot, and my sister found my mothers brothers/sisters out in California to help my mother realize her problems. She is now 5+ years sober, and she still attends AA. Like I said before, it is a very touchy, emotionally draining and long road ahead to recovery. I hope I have helped, and I hope you and your family can get better.
P.S. She needs to get rid of the source of income of the alcohol. The new husband obviously has no regard to her problem.
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certainly is a bad situation you’re in. you can’t help her change, at this point she doesn’t want to, maybe she never will. i would suggest that you first learn to accept it, not like it, you are not the cause of her behavior
IM IN S0MEWHAT THE SAME SITUATI0N. IM N0T SURE IF MY M0M IS AN ALC0H0LIC BUT I KNW SHE DRINKS LIKE ALL THE TIME ND HER DEAD BEAT B0IFRIEND JUST DRINKS WIT HER ND MY M0M IS THE 0NLY 0NE BRINGIN IN THE M0NEY. I GUESS THE BEST THING F0R Y0U T0 D0 W0ULD JUST TRY T0 TALK T0 Y0UR M0M ND LET HER KNW H0W MUCH ITS HURTING HER ND H0W ITS AFFECTING Y0U. ACTUALLY I JUST HAD AN AUNTIE DIE LIKE A FEW M0NTHS AG0 BECUZ SHE HAD BEEN DRINKING HER WH0LE LIFE. I GUESS Y0U CAN ALS0 GET FAMILY MEMBERS T0 HELP Y0U GET HER THE HELP SHE NEEDS BECUZ THATS WHAT ME ND MY GRANNY ARE TRYIN T0 D0 F0R MY M0M RIGHT N0W.
Kate you said something in your question that was absolutely right, and that was when you said that you don’t have the ability to change her.
So why not try and accept that idea?
I know you must love your mother, and care very much about her health, and it must hurt to watch her destroy herself in such a useless, and pointless way. But if this is what she chooses for herself, then there’s little you can do to stop her.
You said that you can’t get out for at least another year, but I hope that you will try harder to rethink that idea. You said your father left because of her drinking. Couldn’t you go live with him instead?
Are there no other relatives who would understand your situation, and take you in for awhile?
Maybe you can’t change your mom, but you do have the power to change your situation. Just don’t give up hope, and keep trying to look out for yourself.
You don’t think you can leave ’cause you’re 17 but you can. You could consider her drinking abuse. I’m not saying to have her locked up but there are support groups for this kind of thing. You might want to think about it. Good luck.
sounds like my ex step dad he was a drinker too. You just have to learn to accept it. She is only going to change if she wants to unfortunetly thats how it works. He’s my ex step dad for a reason…but it’s your actual mother which makes it even harder:(. Your a strong girl and u can take it. What doesn ‘t kill us makes us stronger hun. Keep pushing forwards and remember the only person u can rely on is yourself. As for the bf/friends coming over just tell them u’ve got shit going down at home and they should understand. If they don’t then they aren’t true friends. Keep up the hard work and remember that tommorow is a new day.
sweetheart, i know exactly what u goin through. i grew up with a drug addict mom and stepfather. its very hard, i know. but just hang in there. ur so strong and so brave for putting up with everything u have went through so far. im 28 now and have a 12 yr old daughter, and what i went through in the past just made me that much of a better person. im so sorry that i dont have a better way to help u, but all i can say is pray everyday (God WILL get u through this) and stay strong. u have a year to go and im sure with what u have been through all ready u can definitely make it through. if u can put some type of family intervention together for your mom that would be a big help. but honey dont lose yourself tryin to get her sober. people only change if THEY want to. Hang in there! im here for you anytime u need to talk. Stay strong angel!
send her to rehab.