Question by Corperate Zero: Why do some people believe EX drug users are horrible parents?
When i was 8-15yrs old i did all types of drugs and i was a pretty bad kid. Ive been in trouble with the law 8 times in 2yrs alone. When i was 16yrs old my son was born and the minute i held him something inside me changed and i havent used drugs since nor have i been in trouble with the law since. Well i am 24yrs old now and i was picking my oldest son (whom is 8yrs old) up from his bestfriends birthday party, well while he was getting his stuff ready and also playing with his bestfriend in the backyard (it was also a sleepover) I was talking with the parents of the other boy and it was all pleasant and the mom said my son was a little sweetheart and very polite etc everything seemed fine when me and my son left. Two days later the other boys mother calls me and says “I heard some stuff about you, i heard you were a drug user and you spent time in jail, is that true?” and i said “Yeah, i USE to be a drug addict and yes i spent most my childhood in either rehab or jail, but i am no longer in that lifestyle and i havent been since i was 16yrs old” so she says “Well me and Dan (her husband) decided we dont want your kind around our children, you are a horrible parent and bad influence on every person around you” and then she hung up on me.. I was shocked to she her react that way. Then yesterday my son and the other boy were both invited to another birthday party and at that birthday party the other boy told my son that he wasnt allowed to play with him anymore because he would get a spankin for playing with the child of a evil sinner.
I have made a lot of bad choices in my life, but my world has changed since i had kids, and this isnt the first time someone downgraded me for being a former drug addict, its never happened this dramaticly before but a lot of parents downgrade me and say im a bad parent because of PAST and i dont honestly get it because my children are happy and good kids…
So my question is: Why do you think some people believe former drug users are horrible parents?
Additics and users are not entirely different users eventually become addicts. And once and addict always an addict is also 100% FALSE i was addicted to cocaine for 8mo, then like i said my son was born while i was in rehab before my son was born i wasnt taking rehab seriously, but then i was police escorted to the hospital bcuz my son might die and i held him and when i left i told the cops that i dont care if they have to beat me, dont let me leave rehab until i am fully off drugs. And yes it was hard going threw withdrawl but i am no longer addicted to any drugs and i have never been even close to using again or getting in trouble with the law and infact the police officer that i told that to is my best friend now.
Best answer:
Answer by Libbi
Because they don’t want to belive that the addict has gotten anybetter and they belive that they won’t be able to take care of a child the right way. I wouldn’t worry about it because as long as you give your kids the love they need they are ok. Don’t listen to anything anyone tells you. Good luck to you:)
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This is actually a lot longer than I can possibly do here. First, let me say that user and addict are not interchangable words.
Once an addict, always an addict. it sounds cliche but it’s true. An addict can go into recovery and remission, but is never cured. It doesn’t mean he/she/you’ll definitely pick up again, but it takes a certain kind of strength to keep your addiction up front. It’s harder for an addict than for a non-addict to stay on top of their health, sobriety, and parenting.
While the addict who suffers relapses gets it together, the children suffer.
So, having said that, assuming you’re not an addict and instead experimented, it’s a shame they’re not letting the past stay there.
A lot of people believe the age old adage “Once a druggie, always a druggie”, “A leopard can’t change it’s spots” etc.
Truth is, becoming a parent changes your world entirely, it does, and only a parent can express that. I’m assuming that they believe you are still in touch with the criminal world, or might become a drug abuser again.
It is a downright disgrace for the parents to allow your bad choices to affect your son’s choices though, sounds like they are the bad parents, especially if they spank their child.
Sounds as if they are religious nuts that walk around with their noses turned up to the world.
I have seen the “ex” drug user who has kids get pregnant and the baby comes out an addict too. So much for being and EX drug user.
I have seen people who were trying to sell their father’s house for a rock, turn around and go to college and graduate with honers.
Just depends on the person.
Wow I’m sorry thats horrible, instead of people judging you they should congratulate you for your wonderful accomplishment, because that isn’t an easy habit to break. But I think some people may be like that because they have that attitude of “once a drug user, always a drug user” which is completely WRONG because thats saying that people can’t change. As hard as it is, try to ignore people like her because there will always be ones to tear you down. If anything, you don’t want HER judgmental narrowminded “kind” around YOUR kids.
It’s not just the drug use. It’s the crime and the belligerent behavior that follows the drug use.
This is the price you paid by doing drugs. Yes you have changed but many people out there feel you might slip and go back to being bad. You didn’t just try drugs once. You did it for many years. And it is a crime that no-one told you of the consequences you would have to pay down the road. A criminal record/s always stays with you.
Moving forward, stay on the right path and get used to these types of situations. Explain them to your son. Make sure your son does not follow in your footsteps and let him see the pain this is causing you. You need to lead by example by allowing him into your past. If you don’t address this with your son, your son will not want to spend time with you.
Many people out there are hypocrites. They don’t address what they do as bad (no matter how small) and blame other people.
Intelligent parents will talk to you. If I found out about your past and addressed it with you, I would be okay. I would also tell my child to watch for any signs that would make my child uncomfortable in your presence or your sons presence. My responsibility is to my child not your feelings.
This is the saying, “You made your bed, you sleep in it”. The best thing you can do is make sure 1) you don’t fall back, 2) stand tall and strong and 3) don’t ever let your son do drugs (not even once). And know in your heart that you a much better person than you were before.
I wish you the best.
Some people can’t accept that people can change as they grow up. I know I’m a lot more mature than I was at 16. Why wouldn’t you be too?
It sounds like you have turned your life around. Well done. I’m sure there are plenty of kids around whose parents aren’t ignorant who your son can play with.
because for drug addicts, drugs come first before anything else. its very difficult to turn around that addiction and people are skeptical. its not personal, although it might seem to be. they obviously dont know you as a person so remember that.
i wouldnt call you a horrible parent, but i would certainly be more leery about you than with another parent that was, lets say, a consistently upstanding citizen. dont get me wrong – they are plenty of closeted alcoholic /pill popping soccer moms out there too. im leery of them too
they are obviously wrong..truth is… if there wasnt any drug addicts who would warn the public that drugs are a bad influence and that they can cause problems for ppls future if they had children or had a family to tend to…problem is they see ppl that do drugs as half brained or stuped down to being unknowlegdeable to take care of there own..when practically these ex addicts are the ones who go out there and gave ppl a reason to stop and watch there children for signs of drug use…what im trying to say is they shouldnt count you out because they got all there information from ppl who make commercials that know about addiction..
so if they ever come around again u tell them like it really is